I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
