yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
