never play flip cup with pint glasses
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
