I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
