My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
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