3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
