So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
