I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
