I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
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