im drinking this country out of the recession.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
