super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
