he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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