Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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