ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
