cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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