You just made me feel so damn special
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
even my farts smell like vagina
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
