that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
