So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
