he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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