Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
