Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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