you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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