Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Randomize
