Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
