sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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