My nipple is on Facebook.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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