My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
