it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
