OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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