So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
