I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
