The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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