My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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