just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
