you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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