dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
