oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
