I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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