I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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