My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
