After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
