Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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