bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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