Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just want to make out with him forever
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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