Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
