Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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