I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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