I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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