Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's Friday. Sex?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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