Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
