Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
