she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
