Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
