his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
